Wednesday, December 20, 2017


Something that has been apparent to me for a long time is when you try to be as open and transparent about a significant thing as possible, someone will view it as baseless complaining, someone will blow it off as attention grabbing, someone will chalk it up to being pitiable, and someone will experience multiple emotions that include relief when they realize "Oh thank god. Me too. I'm not alone in this thing that the general population doesn't want to hear about". 

I definitely appreciate when someone says that something I've written about illness and disability has caused them to think about things from a different angle. That's what I started blogging for. Over time, I realized that, while my original motivation is still important, the "I'm not alone" people are my priority. I've been that person multiple times and might not have pushed through without someone else who was/is also occupying the same space.

Today is my one year autism diagnosis anniversary (which i had forgotten about until FB reminded me. Thanks, FB!).  It was a long time coming and, even though some people have been shitty about it, more have been super supportive -- even when they don't understand. Specific thanks to the other autistic folks who have been there for me. Gold!

Monday, November 27, 2017

Moira the Tiny Luck Dragon

Meet Moira! She is about 2 1/2 years old, 5 pounds, and wants only to love and be loved. She is a dachshund/yorkie mix (a dorkie?) and doesn't make me sneeze. Henry and I adopted her on 11/15/17 from Homeward Pet in Woodinville, WA and I have only nice things to say about them.

Moira is an ethereal being with universes behind her dark eyes. She is also my psychiatrist sanctioned Emotional Support Animal for autism, and soon to be therapy dog-in-training. I look forward to her joining me in hospice volunteering!

Tuesday, September 26, 2017


"You're autistic? What's your special skill?" The ability to write in mirror image with either hand. Where's my cash prize?
I'm early for Invisible Disabilities Week, but I'm also home alone staring at makeup I never wear anymore. I fit in all of my disabling diagnoses AND some irritating-as-hell ones. I guess that makes this shower time!

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

"Inspirational Soundtrack"

Starlight, star bright: If I end up a subject in an otherwise cloying "inspirational" video, pleeease let the soundtrack oscillate between <atmospheric droning> and <atmospheric droning intensifies>.

Monday, July 10, 2017

You Know How There's Always "That Person" Who Ruins It For Everyone Else?

Since no one reads past headlines and captions before reacting to a story anymore, I direct your attention to my take on this poorly written article from KING5 news:

"Puyallup couple lucky at casino, unlucky with feds"
"Court records show the couple won $1,604,652 on slot machines. They also received more than $80,000 in Social Security disability benefits." (KING 5 Facebook caption 7/9/17)

Did you read the article? All of it?


You know how there's always someone out there who ruins it for everyone else? This is the kind of article people point to when they want to be right about welfare and social security fraud.

-Though Mann's disability is legitimate, she did break the law by not declaring her casino winnings. Social Security Disability fraud is rare. So is welfare fraud.*

"Court records show that gambling winnings from Mann and her husband since 2012 have totaled $1,604,652 on slot machines. Records show that during the same time period, Mann received more than $80,000 in Social Security disability benefits, food stamps, and medical coverage."

-THIS HAPPENED OVER THE COURSE OF FIVE YEARS. The article makes it seem like people roll around in money when receiving Social Security Disability benefits. Yeah, no. The Facebook caption for this article in particular is very misleading.

By sensationalising something society already loves the taste of invented blood for, this article adds heavily to the stigma for those who legitimately qualify for and use services.

*I'm not in a good enough mental place to be able to navigate the jumble of actual research out there in a way that makes sense to link here. I tried, y'all. Go forth and use your critical thinking and Google skills!

Wednesday, July 5, 2017


I've had symptoms for many years and multiple lab tests and imaging sessions done. Today, like my mother before me, I officially acknowledge fibromyalgia as part of my family of chronic health issues.
"Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals."

It is mostly a relief to have a starting point for answers!

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Executive Dysfunction

A surprise to no one, I'm having the worst time trying to write something about Executive Dysfunction (aka Executive Function Disorder). Executive function is a set of brain processes that allow you to organize yourself and get something done. EFD shows up in neurodiverse brains (autism, ADHD, etc.).
This comic from XKCD shows what EFD can be like on a good day. A bad day is all of these balloons (plus random unrelated ones that shine even brighter) swirled together in an impossible tornado that whirls tightly around you while you try to pick out steps for functioning in an organized manner.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

"Mental Health Awareness Month" Story

Three years ago today, I left the first (and only, so far) psych ward I've ever visited. I mentioned then that I didn't know why I hadn't gone before, but I've since remembered. I tried to go once several years before, but was married to someone who was having none of it. He was embarrassed and didn't want to pay any money for it. So, while I was desperately trying not to commit suicide, I was also tending to his feelings. I ended up doing outpatient therapy instead, but it's not what I needed. Frankly, I'm impressed with myself for not dying despite this blatant lack of support.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

A Note On Caregiving

Sometimes, people need long term help because of an illness, injury, or disability. These are a few things I've learned through personal experience on multiple sides that mostly never get talked about. They aren't the only things out there, but they are important. Caregiving is an important and necessary role in life, and it is not easy. We may not get to choose whether or not we end up helping someone who needs it in this way. Caregiver fatigue is a real and legitimate thing.

Keep in mind: 

  • You truly can't take care of someone else if your own needs aren't being met. This counts for medical and volunteer staff, parents, spouses, siblings, friends -- anybody. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it's a necessity.

  • When you are under the impression that you're helping someone, make sure you're actually helping. Are you helping in a way the person truly needs, making assumptions, or helping the way you think it should go? 

  • If you're performing this role for your own validation instead of being truly helpful, rethink your motivations and accept the possibility that maybe you need extra support or you and this position are not right for each other. I'm well aware that it's not always possible to change a situation, and I definitely understand how difficult it can be to ask for help for yourself, but do ask if you can. Unhealthy situations left to fester can become dangerous from anger and frustration.

  • It is impossible to tell the quality of a caregiver's assistance only by their word. If you are in the position to, and it is at all possible, periodically check in with the person receiving help. They may not be able to tell you if something is wrong, but you might get an idea of any patterns that might be arising.