Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Under Construction

My brain isn't in a focusing place, so I'm going to keep this short-ish.

I realized awhile ago that I've been trying to rebuild my most recent life upsets the same way I usually do. I have a lot of practice dealing with existential crises, but my tried-and-true approach is both physically and mentally impossible at the moment (and has been for longer than I care to admit).

The other day, someone near and dear to me said I've become a completely different person - like the infrastructure of my brain fell out. Brilliant! That is exactly how it feels. I've been bracing the grey matter with found objects and busily patching it up with chewing gum and bits of string for as long as I can remember. It's exceedingly exhausting, so I'm going to stop.

I'm going to fully embrace the part of me that requires solitude and no one else's opinion. If I disappear even further than I have for awhile, if I don't return messages, it's because I'm trying to be still and heal. I'm not good at being still, but I'm never going to figure out how to reinforce my brain if I don't do it.

I'm still following the autism path and if I have anything to say about it, I probably will.

Straightforward support > platitudes > devil's advocate