Monday, November 26, 2012

Auditory Hallucinations

Part of the "fun" of being bipolar are the auditory hallucinations. I don't have them all the time, but it can be difficult to navigate life when I do.

If you've ever truly wondered what auditory hallucinations sound like, this is a fairly accurate (in my experience) representation. Be forewarned, this is potentially unsettling to listen to and the audio kicks right in. Wear headphones for maximum effect.

Auditory Hallucinations

(Thanks for the link, Melissa S. Cohen.)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Suffocating In A Big Bowl Of Allergens

I was thrilled earlier this week (maybe it was last week) when the fog surrounding my chronically, cripplingly slow brain was lifted with - Benadryl!

Dr. A ran a blood panel that included a "short" allergy test. This turned up all kinds of allergies, some of which I knew about and others I didn't. I already knew about my tree/flower/dog/cat allergies, for instance, but I didn't know that, out of ALL the allergies, I am the MOST allergic (stunningly allergic) to Melora. Sad face. She's 16 and there's no way I'm getting rid of her, I will just take enough Benadryl to kill an elephant every night until she decides to go on safari and then I'll live pet-free. Right!

New thing - food allergies.

Just in time for the holidays, I am now deathly allergic to oranges and walnuts.

I am not-deathly allergic to: corn, cow's milk, egg whites, mustard, peas, peanuts, potatoes, rice, soybeans, and tomatoes.

I truly cannot wait to find out what else I'm allergic to, but that will be from another blood test that happens when the rest of my body has settled down (as much as it ever does) from fighting the boring-to-talk-about things that it's currently fighting and I don't feel like talking about.

There is literally nothing in the house I can eat right now except for celery and dry oat cereal. My "going to the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving" game face has been securely fastened. Try snagging that last box of quinoa and I will throw elbows, motherf*cker!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hello Darlin', Nice To See You. It's Been A Long Tiiiime...

***I wrote this post a few months ago and forgot I hadn't actually posted it. Fog!

I took more time off from blogging than I originally anticipated because it was making me feel silly and pressured to make it funny all the time. I started blogging because I wanted to connect in one motion with other people who live with or have an interest in invisible disabilities, but I started feeling like maybe I was complaining and I try sooo hard to avoid doing that in general. Looking back, I can see it was probably more that I was feeling uncomfortable about being super freshly exposed about a topic that I had previously kept relatively close to my chest. Am I repeating myself yet?


Over the past several months, I've been seeing Dr. A, a naturopathic physician who specializes in chronic disease care. He is magnificent. He ran a bunch of tests that no one else bothered to run before and I now have a host of new leads in my search for answers to my various, mysterious ailments.

The most acute discoveries were walking pneumonia and a super high viral load of chronic active Epstein-Barr virus (a virus apparently everyone carries, just not at levels that affect them). It took a couple of months, but the pneumonia is gone and the EBV is back to a manageable level. I had a flareup a couple of months ago, but it only lasted a week because I knew what it was and how to deal with it. THANK GOD.

Also, it turns out that my thyroid medication wasn't actually working. For five years. But whatever. I feel much better now that thyroid times are actually on track.

And there's a first! There is an actual theory about the big mysterious fainting issue. It might be a combination of EBV, my chronically low blood pleasure, and the fact that my adrenal glands aren't producing enough cortisol. Sweet.

One thing that shook me a bit was discovering that I have an MTHFR gene defect. Previously unbeknownst to anyone, this is likely the defect that connected with the one on Maya's dad's side and caused her congenital heart problems. I'll never really know and I don't plan to ponder it too intensely, but I recently learned that my grandfather survived the bomb at Nagasaki and I can't help but wonder if this is one of the ways his genes were twisted.

Anyway, I feel like I'm actually doing something by working on these things and I'm in decent overall health (for me) at the moment. My struggle with paying attention, retaining what I read, and using my hands are up next. Hopefully.